Giuliani Time!

Former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani reportedly edged closer to a presidential candidacy today. I am thrilled.

As a New Yorker I feel like I know Rudy. And I know him as a jerk. The rest of the country sees him as the wise man who stood up and behaved like a grown-up on September 11, 2001. I won't argue with that perception. While other politicians grandstanded or acted like fools, he comported himself like a man, and I appreciated it.

Rudy has an odd psychology though. In the face of a crisis, he is a calm, diffident force of personality. Faced with a non crisis, like the infamous Brooklyn Museum controversy or the legal status of ferrets as pets, he is a maniac, prone to overreaction and inappropriately violent rhetoric. He dislikes it when people doubt him. Generally, he dislikes anyone who disagrees with him.

This is a recipe for massive fun in the YouTube era. I guarantee you that his candidacy will implode within the next twelve months. It will go something like this:

Rudy will give a stump speech in Iowa or New Hampshire at some godforsaken gas station or state fair. A 22 year-old reporter for the Iowa Weekly Kernal Gazette or the Franconia Notch Maple Sugar Monthly will ask a question Rudy doesn't like. It will be a dumb, but essentially harmless question. Something like, "Why havent you addressed the issue of groundhog habitat?" At that moment Rudy will unleash a stream of acid invective that could sear the ears of an NFL assistant coach. The reporter will cry. Non-media members of the audience will gasp. Someone will post the footage to the Internet. At that moment the national cult of Rudy will die.