Dylan Sings Louie Louie

Seriously.

LIE OF THE MONTH: SEX IS AS GOOD AS TV, SAY CHRIST LOVERS

Some Christians tell teenagers that premarital sex is like watching a broken TV. Loving marital sex is like watching a really good TV, with a sharp clear picture.

Kids, do you really need an old atheist to tell you that no, premarital sex is absolutely nothing like watching a TV? Because it's not. Just in case you're wondering.

Intelligence Services Co-opt Hanna Barbara

For most of its history the folks at the National Security Agency worked under a heavy cloak of secrecy. They liked it that way. They even had their own little joke during the Cold War. It went like this:

Q: What does NSA stand for?
A: No Such Agency!

Har har har.

Well, the Cold War is long over and an atmosphere of Glasnost prevails. In an effort to reach out to the youth of America the cryptographers at the NSA have come up with CryptoKids.

See, the NSA gets it. All kids are CryptoKids! LOL! They've even got their own words, like MILF! Who would ever guess what that means? Not Osama, that's for sure. Democracy is safe in the hands of the CryptoKids!

The Cryptokids are undeniably great. But it would be wrong to neglect the child-outreach of the other intelligence agencies. I've only put the Cryptokids artwork at the top because it made me guffaw when I saw it. The CIA is doing its bit too. Its all-purpose mascot is a cunning trannie Carmen Sandiego, with a subtle nod to Maxwell Smart -- a reference no kid would ever understand. But stiletto phones are kinda hot and edgy, so it's cool.



And of course those glorified flatfeet at the FBI have taken time from passing information on to mobsters to come up with their own kids' pages. Good effort Feds! At least none of the thousands and thousands of kids who visit your site know that J. Edgar Hoover was a pervert.

Rebranding the CIA

What would you call this image? For any American over the age of 30 the red circle with a slash through it evokes the Ghostbusters logo. But what is that figure in the middle? Ominous and dark, it lacks any identifying characteristics other than what looks like the silhouette of an AK-47 clutched in its hand.

Oh, I know. It's a terrorist! Of course. It must be, because this is the CIA's Terrorist Buster Logo.

I want to meet the CIA agents who wear jumpsuits emblazoned with this logo. Do they tear around the dusty streets of Karachi in a 1957 ambulance and confront wacky terrorists as portrayed by Rick Moranis? I bet they're really funny dudes. And no doubt they're well equipped to countermand any ecto-plasm dirty bombs.

Note from John: A few people have inferred from a timestamp on the CIA's website that this logo is relatively new. It is not. I came across it for the first time in 2003 or 2004.

My Goals are Stupid and Small

Alexander Roy lives life like Burt Reynolds and Dom Deluise.